GRIEF (1)
During my years of service as a Reformed Reverend, I was fascinated by the overwhelming emotions that death causes people to experience. No emotion is the same, it brings out the authenticity in a person, yes there is sometimes intentional drama, but it is only a few cases. Genuine raw emotion is so ‘beautiful’ this is why Grief pastoral counseling got so much traction with me. I am going to start with a series on this fascinating subject of Bereavement or GRIEVING, I hope you can benefit from it and maybe also learn something to comfort others… I want to start with my personal experience of Grief.
GRIEF MY STORY
It was a Sunday morning like any other. The church bells rang in Griekwastad and Kleinvlei while the sun cast its rays over the land. I drove from Blackheath to kleinvlei at 08H45 to go to the VGKSA congregation Eersterivier. My father, an elder at the VGKSA Griekwastad, prepared himself for the worship service as he always would. His black suit, white shirt, and white tie were ready on the bed as he made the final preparations. But this day was different.
An unexpected heart attack struck him in the bathroom. His usual ritual of preparation for the church services, which was so familiar, came to an end in a tragic moment. However, he did something he had never done before – he gave my mother the church Tithes to place in the tithe box. It was always something he did himself. He then left the bathroom horizontally, leaving his life behind, a moment of sudden silence and terror.
A year before his sudden passing, I had a dream. In my dream, I was busy with the worship service and I received the ominous message that my father had died. That dream came so tragically true, changed my life, and strengthened my belief in the meaning of dreams. This convinced me that God, through the Holy Spirit, sometimes comes to us through dreams with messages.
The service was almost over, I was just about to announce the closing hymn, “Ou Sions 236,” when my cousin, Nico Koopman, my father’s sister’s child, waved for me to come to the consistory. It made me feel weird. Along with our good friend, Llewellyn Macmaster, they brought the inevitable message. I remember the moment so clearly, a wave of startling emptiness that swept through my body. I had “dead feet”, I could hardly walk to the car. I still have no feeling in my feet to this day.
That day the world stood still around me. Life unexpectedly took on a new shape. The voids my father left behind were so large and painful that they turned the nature of my existence upside down. The sudden loss of a loved one is an overwhelming experience, one that touches you to your core and marks your life forever.
The legacy of my father, his dedication to the church, and his humanity made a lasting impact on my faith and my life. His unexpected departure taught me that life is fragile and that every moment should be cherished. And while the church services continue and the songs are sung, the memory of my father remains in my heart, a heritage of faith, love, and unforgettable moments. It made me a better pastor in so far as supporting the bereaved.
Tomorrow: The definition of GRIEF